I remember when I was in junior high, 7th grade I think. I was "going out" with someone (if you could even call it that). At lunch, or during breaks, we would stand with our group of friends in the hall, holding hands. But I hated it. It always felt like he was simply holding my hand as a statement to the others around us. It was a claim, that I was his. Ugh. Oddly enough, after this particular dating experience, I didn't date again until I was 20 years old. This, was an entirely different story. There was an air of mystery, a couple of months in which we guessed if the other person was interested. Once we had told one another of our feelings, I think both of us then were pretty nervous. I remember we had gone to a grocery store together, and walking from the car, I just dove right in! I swooped behind him, and gently put my hand in his, which was swaying lightly by his side. He looked down at me, and smiled. Of course I smiled back. He told me later that he had wanted to do that for weeks, but didn't know if I'd appreciate it. Ha. Our relationship was a slow moving one, and that was perfectly fine. We were content in just having a close touch now and again. In contrast to my junior high "boyfriend" simply parading me around, when Eric held my hand, I knew it was because of the affection he had for me. I felt safe, admired, and wanted. It was so powerful. Since then, I've unfortunately forgotten that power. I've fallen victim to what our society claims is true intimacy.
I caught myself doing something a few weeks ago, and I know for certain it wasn't the first time I've ever done it. I was sitting at a movie with a guy friend of mine(perhaps I wanted him to be more than a friend...), and I put my hand out flat on my thigh closest to where he was sitting. Apparently I was hoping that he'd get the clue and just hold my hand. The horrible truth here, he isn't the one that I genuinely want to be holding my hand. The more and more I contemplate this, I realize just how intimate hand holding is...and still how much more I look forward to it in a right situation.
The image in the book I was reading last night was such a lovely description, using the word "woven". Dictionary.com defines "to weave" as: to form by combining various elements or details into a connected whole.
If you ask me, this is the perfect image of true relationship. This is what I want the next time someone is to hold my hand. To take two elements to make one whole...
Perhaps a purpose behind writing this blog...to encourage my friends to never forget the intimacy in simplicity...to move away from the expectations the world has set out for us in our relationships.
For those of you who might have forgotten the way to this simplicity...here's something I came across on WikiHow...enjoy.
Steps
- Find someone to hold hands with (girlfriend/boyfriend).
- Visualize how it will feel. If you are nervous, think of how good it will feel if the other person holds back.
- Take a hold of the other person's hand. While sitting, standing or walking next to that person, grasp his or her hand and lightly squeeze.
- Wait for a return squeeze. If they squeeze back, most times, they enjoy your company and don't mind you holding their hand.
- Use a hand-holding method. There are two approaches to hold another person's hand.
- You can just grasp their hand and hold it (easy to achieve, but harder to stay held on longer)
- Interlock fingers, which sometimes takes some work, but because the other person is holding on too, you can stay holding hands longer. Most times, it's better if you just start off with doing the first example until you are sure that the other person is okay with holding hands and will hold on.
- If you're absolutely sure that the person you held hands with is enjoying your company, look at him or her straight in the eyes and smile subtly. Then, show them that you really like them, by squeezing harder.
Tips
- Most times, the simple grasp of the hand will do but a more "intimate" way to hold hands is the interlocking finger grasp.
- With very young kids, offer them your finger for them to grasp their tiny hand around.
- If you can feel your hand starting to sweat, let go of his or her hand and hold his or her other hand.
- For hot days, consider linking pinkies instead so you get that intimate connection without those pesky sweaty palms.
- Smile a lot. Girls and guys love to see a lovely smile.
- Try not to hold hands with someone you like when you are freezing, because cold hands can be a majorturn-off.
- Use the "my hands are so cold" line if you have the problem above. It will give you more of a reason to hold their hand.
- If you and the other person have already had some experience holding hands together, it's a good idea to keep repeating the process and letting each other know when you want to have your hand held.
- You can also ask her whether you can hold her hands or not (it works in real relationships).
- Make sure to keep your hands soft. Apply a hand lotion daily, but not right before holding hands because it can often come off as clammy or cold.
- You can also try the finger trick which I found out. Though this only works if you are sitting down like on a couch or in a movie. Put your finger away from the arm rest if the chair has one. Make sure your whole hand is under. If your partner is too nervous (confused)just try and move your hand or finger next to them. Make sure they touch and then soon your partner will get the idea and hold your hand for real.
- If he/she is nervous, try to bring it up in conversation. If they want to, then they'll take the initiative and grab your hand! If you are nervous, then try touching their arm lightly, and slowly progress to holding hands.
- (For girls) In the theater, let your hand drop over to his side on the armrest. He'll notice and get the hint that you want it held.
