The Day that True Love Died

Just a reminder this weekend...

Phil Wickham - "True Love"

Come close listen to the story
About a love more faithful than the morning
The Father gave his only Son just to save us

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Fathers broken heart
Tears were filling heavens eyes
The day that true love died, the day that true love died
When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died, The day that true love died

Search your hearts you know you can't deny it
Lose your life just so you can find it
The Father gave his only son just to save us

Jesus is alive
He rose again

iTunes Shuffle - Simply Amazed

Today's shuffle song pick is one I hold dear. Written and performed by one of the most incredible followers of Christ I've ever met...a true brother :), Jordan Frye. Here's a guy who's got talent, passion and humility like you've never seen. It's been a joy and privilege to watch him grow, and his musical ambitions flourish. I hope you enjoy the love he shares, and if you love him as much as I do, let me know - he performs in the San Diego area quite often. Also, his band "Urban Rescue" can usually be found leading worship at various Youth Camps(usually at Forest Home!) and Church services around the SoCal area...

Simply Amazed - Jordan Frye/Urban Rescue

All I see before me are broken pieces

But in my dream I caught a glimpse of you

Awakened by the sound I'm captivated

Falling more each day in love with You

Even Now

I'm looking up to heaven

Even Now

You're singing over me

So I come amazed by you

Amazed by you

Simply Amazed

To look into the eyes of tender mercy

As they pressed the thorns upon your brow

How can it be that you were thinking of me?

I never knew such love until now

Even Now

I'm looking up to heaven

Even Now

You're singing over me

So I come amazed by you

Amazed by you

Simply amazed

And I'm singing like its the first time...

With all my love

I've come undone

Simply Amazed

With all my love

For all You've done

Simply Amazed

*I couldn't get an embed, so visit the link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJqH1e9mZGg

Be Not Afraid...

Happy Christmas Eve my dear friends...

Although, I have to admit, I've been less in the Christmas spirit this year than ever before. I'm not quite sure why - but am thinking it has had something to do with the overwhelming busyness of my life lately. It's just hard to comprehend that it is yet another Christmas season, and yet another year coming to an end.

Today I woke up early to go to work (which wasn't too bad...just like another day), then had the privilege of attending two different church services for the special occasion. The first one was at my home church, a lovely time of moving from "Merry Christmas" to "Oh Holy Night", from being overjoyed by the arrival of a baby to worshipping my King. The music, the word and the family was, as usual - incredible. Later on in the evening I attended my grandmother's church with a few other family members for their traditional service. I was a bit skeptical about this - but ended up being moved like I haven't in ages. The pastor explored a little about that opening line of the Angels to the shepherds..."Do not be afraid...". God wants to speak to us, to be with us, and we shouldn't be fearful of that - because it's GREAT news that He offers. It was definitely a time of contemplation for me (and I'm sure you'll see future blogs reflecting that as we enter into a new year...hopefully one where I practice daily my hope in "FEAR NOT").

But perhaps the part that touched me the most was a verse from a carol we sang...

O little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie!
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go by.
Yet in thy dark streets shineth the everlasting Light;
The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.

It made me realize that because of tonight, because of an all-powerful and all-loving God arriving in the precious form of a little baby...

darkness has no power...

Light shines on our world forever...

my hopes throughout the years are held in Him alone...

and my fears are stilled...

because of a tiny baby.

You know what I call that? Peace.

*and speaking of babies, any moment now another precious gift will be entering our world :). My friend Maggie went into labor about 6:30 tonight, and soon...baby girl Natalie will be gracing us with her presence. Two very amazing gifts if you ask me...*

enough excuses

so i just read over that blog i posted, to make sure i didn't make any huge mistakes...and felt entirely convicted. not about mistakes :), just about what i had written. although it's all true, and perhaps relevant to explain my busy life...it's not what's going on. it made me realize that perhaps i've been drowning myself in busyness as an excuse to avoid the things that are REALLY going on.
i want to write because it's always been a release for me. i mean, i think that's why i originally decided to write screenplays. most of what i would write in my stories were just that: my stories. writing them down seemed a bit of a way to get it all out. so why did i just give the world a play by play that is practically worthless of the time it took to type out? ugh. i had to explain to a friend recently why i don't cry in front of people. my reason is that it shows weakness, and i'm sick of appearing weak. to which she replied "that's right, you're a tough ol' bird." ;). yes she was mocking me. although you cannot see tears through a blog, here it comes...weakness city.
i'm devasted. my best friend is moving out of the country for two years and i dont know how to handle it. (dont worry, she knows that i'm struggling, this blog is not going to be news to her). she's been the constant good in my life for several years, and the thought of not having her scares me. at a friend's suggestion to really "mourn the loss" of her come feb 2010, i almost died. there have been too many people in my life that have hurt me and caused me pain - that i have cried over. she's been the joy, i never want to be hurt over her. unfortunately (and apparently) i already am.
i'm lost. there is no path i am following, no guided direction. i have no idea what i'm doing with my life. that sounds very pessimistic and i apologize. but there it is. ashamedly i admit that this evening i watched (by myself)...high school musical 3: senior year. jest all you want, i love it. there's a musical number in which troy bolton (zac efron's character) is frustratingly singing about wanting his own dream. i can relate. sometimes i begin to wonder what MY dream in life actually is. i find myself clinging to this idea of wife/mom, but is that just something that i fell into because i'm female? at one point, leanna was going to travel the oceans and study marine life and behavior. years later, she was going to teach literature to high school or college students. and then came jesus and church, and their guidance to jump into jr high and camp ministry. but what about those years dreaming of writing/directing films? and now...i don't know. and every day that i wake up "not knowing" is seemingly a pure waste of a day.
i'm broken. amidst all that busy stuff i was doing, i forgot to mention the several trips to urgent care. my muscles are giving up on me...and physical weakness seems to be a daily occurrence. other stuff is going wrong, but nothing i publicly want to talk about. thank goodness i have health insurance now...but i feel like my body doesn't know it's only 28(this statement is stolen from a friend who is constantly asking me "you do know you're only 28 right?").
i'm lonely. what's new? i mean, if you know me, you know i'm a hopeless romantic. but on the serious side, i want to be sharing what little bit of life i have WITH someone. it's not like i go to sleep dreaming of being swept off my feet by a knight in shining armor - i think i passed that phase of life several years ago when i realized, much to my dismay, that i do NOT live in medieval england :). but i do think about having companionship, intentional companionship. someone to experience life's little happenings with, joys and hardships, challenges and blessings. and i wont lie :), a kiss or cuddle or dance here and there wouldn't be too awful either.
okay i'm tired. perhaps i will do my best to make the next blog about the happy emotions i am feeling :). but for now, you get the weakness.

the happenings...

Oh dearest Blog, how sorry I am to have forgotten you for so long...but I have a valid reason...I've been BUSY. So for all 3 of my followers, I will give the condensed version of the last month (and I apologize to the 2 of you who have actually lived these things with me:)).
Let's see...the weekend of April 25-26th was a busy one! On saturday, I assisted in moving the Q's to their new place. We were successful in convincing PQ to get a uhaul, and the day went off without a hitch. Then on Sunday, I went to DISNEYLAND! My friend Dawn was getting ready to depart for Omaha for a few months, so her, my friend Ryan and myself decided to spend a day of fun at the happiest place on earth. What a fun day, filled with silly dares (never accomplished), amazing trivia, hillbillies ("jedi force push"), disney duets, giant turkey legs and more. And to top it all off, the FIREWORKS! Oh, just thinking about it makes me want to go back...
A few weeks later, I had the opportunity to attend a S.H.A.P.E. seminar at the church, which was just phenomenal. Talk about insight. This was the second time I've participated in such a thing, so was not THAT surprised at the things I learned about myself and my niche in the Kingdom. I have to say though, taking this with my best friend AQ put a lot into perspective. It's a whole different experience when someone else tells you what you should be doing with your life :) haha. The outcome? I'm thinking that God wants me to do camp FOR youth workers! Haha, so strange. But seriously, those silly and crazy youth workers are doing amazing things in the Kingdom, and they deserve a camp all their own. Now, how to go about doing that, I am uncertain. But it's not me. It's all Him. I will keep you posted. Later that night, I ventured out to Canes Bar and grill to witness a fantastic band called "Tainted Love". They are an 80's tribute band that has changed my world. Haha. So much fun with the Lanes and Nick, enjoying the tunes of my childhood! The next day was mother's day, and my brother and I took grama to the Zoo for lunch and some animal kingdom fun. Hands down, most amazing meal I've had in quite some time. You think I'm joking. For starters: Blue Cheese and Artichoke Bisque. Then spinach ravioli with amazing sun dried tomato cream sauce. Ok, I need to stop thinking about food.
Just a few short days later, I ventured to Hurkey Creek for a camping trip with a bunch of the GVC family. I'd love to tell you all about it, but I mentioned this was a condensed version of the last month. If you want to read more details, see Ryan's blog "life in this lane" (linked on my page). It was an incredible weekend of nature, family, relaxation, worship and fun. When sunday morning came, I did not want to leave the place, and was glad to know that I wasn't the only one feeling attachment to the weekend away. A great time with amazing friends, no doubt.
Three days later, I went and saw my favorite movie of the year so far. Star Trek. If you haven't seen it, you must. Because I am mentioning this small fraction of my month in my blog, you know it's worth it.
Two days after that, Ryan Lauren and myself ventured down to City Heights to have dinner with a few "cohorts" in this intentional living community business (see previous blog, and of course, more to come about that). It was a great evening meeting some great people and having good conversation over an entirely vegetarian and homegrown meal(yes i know, LEANNA ate a whole meal of vegetables...). Insight was gained, and I'm so glad for it. The next morning, AQ and I took off for Redlands to have a mini-reunion with a few "girls of the loft" (a.k.a. Creekside Summer Staff '06). The day was amazing! Talk about family. The minute we were in each other's presence it felt a little like home :). We just spent time together in downtown Redlands, having some Chai at Augie's Coffee, hitting up the used book sale in the park, venturing to Hobo's Vintage Wear for some great buys, wandering through the Redland's Galleria of antiques, fro yo at Ohana's, and then finally ending up at Gourmet Pizza for a fabulous dinner with 3/4 of the Rice family :). I miss the day already, and the people even more. It was the confirmation of family and community that I'm now striving for here in north county. That it does exist, and it's wonderful. Monday was memorial day, and I threw together an impromptu burger bbq for the home group friends. Such a fun and random time together. Another example of that community. Hmm...a theme in my life? I think so.
So there it is. I want to try to post a picture on here :) since discovering how to do it. Here they are, a few of the "girls of the loft", that I love ever so dearly.
OH. It posted to the top of the blog. Oh well, it's there, I think.

the latest

so here it is, what's been on my heart and flowing through my mind for the past few days. i'm feeling that if i don't explore it more and write it out, i will definitely explode :). i'm not being "cautiously excited" with this one! haha. that was for alli. anyways...

a friend and i have been tossing around the idea of starting up an intentional living community. since getting back to san diego, and joining the amazing congregation at green valley church...i've been immensely blessed by people. it truly is an authentic community of christ followers that are doing just that...striving each day to follow Him as Lord of everything in their lives. so incredible. in january i joined up with a pre-existing home group of "20-30 somethings", and was immediately accepted as part of the family. the best part was, i don't feel as if it were forced because that's what we're supposed to do as christians, but that those people genuinely welcomed me into their lives...and i did the same. so its only natural that a few of us would consider taking a step further, and living life together in the fullness of the statement.

if we want to truly embrace what it meant to be disciples of christ, i think it's pertinent to follow the examples of those original men and women who walked with him in the flesh. we see ordinary people being called out, and abandoning their own lives...what was important to them...to answer the greatest purpose they would ever find. from there, they spent life together. every aspect was not only with God, but with each other. and thats what we want. we want to take the spiritual experiences...past present and future, and share them fully with one another. thus this crazy idea to move 6-10 of us into one home and begin a journey that holds wonders i'm sure we can't even imagine yet.

that's that. we've only taken a tiny baby step in even considering this pursuit, but my heart is telling me it's going to be a wonderful ride.

i'm way excited about it all, to be perfectly honest. i know that as humans we're not meant to be alone, and the prospect of finally being with people...growing through life with them - i can't help but smile. last night after a brainstorming session, i could barely sleep...thoughts, ideas and hopes we're flying through my brain! it was crazy. and even today as i went about my day in a normal monday fashion, i couldn't help but imagine what it would be like knowing that i had a home with a loving family waiting for me when i leave work. and as i emptied the dishwasher i had excited chills as i realized that living together would encompass a servitude towards one another and our community that perhaps i've never experienced first hand. i do know that this whole endeavor will carry with it some obstacles and hardships. but what would life be without them? i started this blog because of lyrics i heard once, that said:

we break and we bend...
but we turn it inside out
to take it back - to the start...
and through the rise and falling apart,
we discover who we are.

done...and done. :D.

so, if you're so inclined to perhaps add your thoughts, join with us here in so-cal for this endeavor, or just simply lift it up to the Father in prayer...all are gladly accepted :).

how PRIMARY is scripture?

so this winter i am participating in a class at my church, going through the book of Acts. its nice to finally have a solid reason to look forward to mondays :). not even joking when i say its one of the top three highlights of the week (the other two being home groups on thursday night, and well...saturday mornings when i dont have to set my alarm clock and wake up to go to work!).

last night we went over the passage in Acts 16-18, following Paul on his second missionary journey. at first we find him in thessolonica, where the jews cause a "riot" and throw him out. next Paul travels to berea, where he finds the bereans to be of "more noble character(than the thessalonians), testing the scriptures daily to see if what Paul said was true." (woohoo, go bereans. for those of you just tuning into my life, i attended a few years at Berean Bible College, in which our mission was to immitate the styles of those early bereans :)). the scriptures were definitely primary in the life of the bereans. some jews, some philosophical greeks...the bereans were great thinkers and that obviously was something that stood out to the writer of Acts.

our teacher challenged us with a question: how primary is scripture in your life? it was honest and valid, plain and simple. did we consider scripture first? or perhaps (like the wesleyean thought) we filtered our spiritual life through four areas: scripture, experience, tradition and thought. as is often the case, i wanted to have the right answer at that moment. but i was quite at a loss for my own answer.

being a christ follower for 12 years now, and being a minister of the Word for most of that time, scripture has definitely played a major role. but is it primary? truth be told, perhaps i agree more with wesley, and allow all four to work. my experiences that i've had with God and His Spirit have hugely (and will continue to do so) molded me into the being you know this very day. i cannot deny that. the traditions and histories that have been passed down through generations may evolve and adapt, but ultimately define what we, as a race of believers, come from. who would want to give less honor to that? and truth has been revealed throughout the ages, through great thinkers using the very gifts given them to reason. i see that all of the time.

i learned once (at berean bible college, go figure!), something about the revelation of truth. we have the privelage of standing at a place in history where we can look back far enough to see the process of the revelation of truth. God's ultimate truth, in all of it's facets, is entirely too much for the human mind, heart and soul to comprehend all at once. so throughout time, we see the revelation of that truth being dispersed. not only into different generations, but to different cultures, genders, and most importantly, through different tactics. in OT times, truth was given to generations of slaves and kings, through law and word, but also through spirit and experience. as time progressed, tradition played a key role in the revelation of God's truth...both in the thriving age of the roman catholic church, and also in it's regression. the greeks brought us into maybe our first "age of enlightenment" as humans, and more was discovered. and in that time, God showed more of His truth by pouring out His Spirit on all men and women who believed. from then on, there are so many more incidences where we know of God's involvement in the growth of His people. Martin Luther & King Henry VIII, brought the Church into new existence. More truth was revealed in the Great Awakenings, which started in England and then moved across the sea into a new world. A missional mindset was re-ignited as believers in different "denominations" began to seek truth for themselves. even now, we see the church "emerging" into something new, discovering new ways to live a christ centered life and being moved towards more truth.

whew. all that to say, God does what He wants, when He wants, to whom He wants, in the way He deems appropriate. We are His. at the disposal of His hands. and although i admire the bereans for their devotion to scripture, making it primary in their lives, i have to believe that the Lord would ask us to have openness to all of the above mentioned "filters". He's given each to us. why not take full advantage, and use them to their fullest ability?

how far i've come

so the other night, i took some time and read over some previously posted blogs from my myspace. i have to admit, most of them brought me to tears. these past few years have definitely been somewhat of a refining fire for me, and it was a blessing to be able to look back, to remember where i was, and be grateful for how far i've come. i thought it might be fun to recount my journey...here on the NEW blog...

*May of 2006, where FEAR NOT began...
may 06

*August of 2006, one of many "muscle spasm" stories...
august 06

*October of 2006, the detour that taught me about life...
october 06

*November of 2006, my first blog from central CA and dealing with the emptiness of change...
november 06

*April of 2007, finding a bit of lost Lj...
april 07

*June of 2007, Lj left forest home...
june 07

*July of 2007, my venting about sleezy guys! freaking awesome...
july 07

*August of 2007, Lj caught the changING fever...
august 07

*September of 2007, when i discovered that weak is the new strong...
september 07

*December of 2007, my screenplay develops a little twist :)
december 07

Wow, all that to say this...

i'm blessed to be where i am today. i've been through a lot of crap, seasons of pure joy, and stuff you wouldn't even imagine. but it's truly shaped me. not only have i changed, but i recognize change in those around me. and i embrace it. goodness, its amazing.