Be Not Afraid...

Happy Christmas Eve my dear friends...

Although, I have to admit, I've been less in the Christmas spirit this year than ever before. I'm not quite sure why - but am thinking it has had something to do with the overwhelming busyness of my life lately. It's just hard to comprehend that it is yet another Christmas season, and yet another year coming to an end.

Today I woke up early to go to work (which wasn't too bad...just like another day), then had the privilege of attending two different church services for the special occasion. The first one was at my home church, a lovely time of moving from "Merry Christmas" to "Oh Holy Night", from being overjoyed by the arrival of a baby to worshipping my King. The music, the word and the family was, as usual - incredible. Later on in the evening I attended my grandmother's church with a few other family members for their traditional service. I was a bit skeptical about this - but ended up being moved like I haven't in ages. The pastor explored a little about that opening line of the Angels to the shepherds..."Do not be afraid...". God wants to speak to us, to be with us, and we shouldn't be fearful of that - because it's GREAT news that He offers. It was definitely a time of contemplation for me (and I'm sure you'll see future blogs reflecting that as we enter into a new year...hopefully one where I practice daily my hope in "FEAR NOT").

But perhaps the part that touched me the most was a verse from a carol we sang...

O little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie!
Above thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go by.
Yet in thy dark streets shineth the everlasting Light;
The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.

It made me realize that because of tonight, because of an all-powerful and all-loving God arriving in the precious form of a little baby...

darkness has no power...

Light shines on our world forever...

my hopes throughout the years are held in Him alone...

and my fears are stilled...

because of a tiny baby.

You know what I call that? Peace.

*and speaking of babies, any moment now another precious gift will be entering our world :). My friend Maggie went into labor about 6:30 tonight, and soon...baby girl Natalie will be gracing us with her presence. Two very amazing gifts if you ask me...*

Please just be my darling...

Driving home from work last night, I was struck by some lyrics in one of the songs coming forth through my iPod. It's the chorus from Kate Walsh's "Bury My Head", which says...

"Why can't you be different from the rest?

Oh won't you surprise me instead?

I've had it up to here,

Please just be my darling, my dear..."

I may be wrong, but to me this is the cry of hope from most every single woman out there. Obviously, I was thinking about this on more of a personal level, but I've been proved that it's a pretty universal feeling. I thought about all of the failed relationships I've had in the past several years, and unfortunately all of the less than stellar men I've gotten myself involved with. And with each new "possibility", it is these thoughts that bring me hope. That maybe THIS one will be different than the rest...the track record shows that my hope is in vain. Because there has yet to be one that is different than the others. And I have had it up to here.

A girl has to wonder if perhaps there isn't ONE out there that is different from the rest. Maybe they ALL are the same insensitive fools. I realize that perfection isn't attainable (in myself and in a future husband), and have never claimed to be searching for it. But it seems that in the universal collection of eligible men out there, they all are stagnant pieces at the bottom of a pond - simply growing algae and scum. (Sorry, that was a bit much, but you get the point). In the beginning, they make you believe that, in fact, they are different from the others you've come across. A charming prince, a caring protector, an infatuated admirer. But time definitely does reveal the scum...leaving us ladies scarred to our core and alone - again.

But maybe, it's just that I've set my standards too high. That instead of looking for a "warrior poet" (as a friend recently described), I should just expect the worse from the men I come into relationship with. That perspective would at least save me from the inevitable disappointment.

Mind you, this is all going through my head in the 7 minute drive from my work to my home :).

A few hours later, I received a heartbreaking phone call from one of my girl friends - one I consider in a sisterly capacity, holding her heart inside of mine for over 10 years. The guy she was seeing had ended things, citing that there was no "romantic attraction" to her. I had to do everything in my power to not drive over to his house and share with him a piece of my uncensored mind (and/or fist). First of all, MEN...don't start a relationship with one of us fragile women unless there is a romantic attraction. Second of all, please don't steal away our physical attentions unless you have the intention to actually respect and care for them (in layman's terms - don't kiss and make out unless you can back it up with the romantic passion that those things were made for). And lastly, be smarter in your endeavors. Unfortunately, this same boy-scum is one that caused myself a heartbreak earlier in the year - and I cannot believe that he's making the same mistakes.

In all of this emotion last night, I found myself driving - again. I just cried to myself. And declared out loud to a Lord whom I know to be a provider and a comforter, "Please, God, prove me wrong. Show me that there is one worthy - one that is different. I just want that darling...that dear."

Not wanting to sound desperate, I truly mean it. God, Universe, Man - prove me wrong. Restore my hope that I'm not waiting in vain...otherwise - I best just give up now and save myself the trouble.

And while I'm at it...I just want to say to the "men" that might be reading... Be men. Not boys. And don't treat us ladies as insignificant toys to mess with and throw out as you please. But remember, that even though we try to present ourselves with strength and confidence, most of the time we're easily broken...we shatter just like glass. Be our protectors, our caregivers, our support and strength. Offer to us meaningful companionship instead of momentary relations. Don't be afraid of honesty, practice integrity. Give us reason to trust you. Stop acting so foolish. Let us love you as we should. Without condition - and spare us from having any conditions to NOT love you as we could.

These are a few of my favorite things...

In the midst of this holiday season, I have been reminded over and over again just how much I love the people in my life. I consider myself overly blessed by the random assortment of friends and family that have been added to my life over the years, and continue to be involved. My favorite part is that, even if we haven't seen each other in a long while, upon getting together once again...it is as if no time as passed. Seriously, if I had not love in my life, I would be nothing...

"You wanna hear something funny?"

Ah...so here it is, my funny story for the day.

This morning I didn't have to be at work until 9, so I decided to venture over to Starbucks to get a most comforting grande vanilla chai latter, no water :). I order my drink, and the barista taking my order (a younger guy, probably about my age) asks for my name. I tell him "Leanna" (duh.) Apparently he thought I said "Leia", so he starts spelling it out loud, I guess wanting me to correct him if it was wrong...which it most obviously was. Naturally, I interrupt and give him the correct spelling - with a smile of course - I'm not a grouch :). He starts cracking up, and here's the tidbit of conversation that followed:

Barista Man: OH! I'm so sorry, I thought you said LEIA, like the princess! (he smiles at me)

Leanna: Oh no, definitely not a princess...

Barista Man: No gold bikini laying around at home? (and then...he winks...)

Leanna: Not at all (and I walk away).

Now, here's why I walked away from Starbucks trying not to laugh hysterically...it became so obvious to me just how much men differ from women. Just consider that word..."princess", and each gender conjures up different images, thoughts and notions.

Women will generally go the route of a fairytale maiden, most often in distress needing to be rescued by the rarely speaking prince charming. Or, perhaps it's negative, causing us to think of spoiled little brats whose parents refer to them as princesses to appease them.

But men, men on the other hand apparently jump right into a physical fantasy world involving intergalactic battles and a half naked chained up "princess" in need of rescuing.

Ha. No wonder we have such a hard time meeting on the same plane...

I want a hippopotamus for christmas...

And only a hippopotamus will do...

So it's begun, Christmas Song Season. While driving home from work today, I switched my iPod's playlist onto my lovely Christmas mix and just tried to get into it. Some of you may have never heard the hippopotamus song, but it is one of my favorites - simply because of it's obscurity! I mean, what little girl asks Santa for a hippo to be under her tree on Christmas morning? :).

Following in the obscurity of what we ask Santa for...it's my turn.

I want a boyfriend for Christmas...and only a boyfriend will do...

You may think I'm kidding, but then again, perhaps you KNOW that I'm completely serious. In light of some recent progressions in my life, I've discovered that I'm ready. Ready to just dive into a great romance, a life altering companionship, and an ever growing relationship with the man that God has out there somewhere for me. And what better time than Christmas to get this all started?

So "Santa" of the Universe, if you are reading...I don't necessarily need that man under my tree on Christmas morning :), any day now would be lovely...and you can wrap him in a cozy green sweatshirt (this way I know its HIM :)), which I will no doubtedly "borrow" from him indefinitely...